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                                												 SHIT HAPPENS

                           												 in other various ways
                          											 -----------------------


Yuppie Shit:    																						*It's my shit!  All mine!  Isn't it beautiful?

An Employer:    																					*Shit happens, and rolls down hill.

An Employee:    																					*I've done my shit, so can I take the day off?
                																									*This shit's not part of my contract.

Environmentalism:																		 *Shit is biodegradable.

Heisenbergism:  																				*Shit happened, we just don't know where.

Quantum Shittydynamics:  												*Shit happens only in well-defined
 																																	quantities.

Einsteinism:    																					*Shit is Relative.

Reaction to Seeing your Mother-in-law:  	*Relatives are Shit.

Washington:     																					*I cannot tell a lie--shit happened.

Lincoln:        																						 *Four score and seven shits ago...

Nixon:          																							*Shit didn't happen, and if it did I didn't know
 																																 anything about it.

Reagan:         																						*Well, I do believe that shit happened. I was
  																																just taking a nap.

Quayle:         																						*Why do people treat me like shit?

Clinton:        																						*I didn't inhale this shit.
                                                                *I tried this shit before and I didn't like it 
                                                                  so....

Bush:           																							*Read my lips: no more shit!
                                                                *Wouldn't be prudent to shit at this juncture.
                                                                *This looks like foreign shit. Let Baker handle
                                                                  it.

Perot:                                                        *I'm sorry if I dropped you guys in this piece
                                                                 *of shit.

McCarthyism:                                            *Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?

Martin Luther King:                                   *Black shit and white shit CAN coexist...

Julius Caesar:                                          *I came, I saw, I shitted. (Veni, Vidi, Shitty)

John Paul Jones:                                       *I have not yet begun to shit.

James Tiberius Kirk:                               *... to boldly shit where no one has shit before!

Computer Science:                                  *There's a bug somewhere in this shitttttttttt!

Macintosh:                                               *(Enough said)

UNIX/C:                                                    *A core dump... Shit!

IBM/DOS:                                                  *It's shit, but at least it's compatible.

Communism:                                             *It's everybody's shit.

Marxism:                                                 *The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep
                                                                down all shit is alike.
                                                               *Dictatorship of the shit.

Capitalism:                                              *Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
                                                                *If you're gonna sell that shit, at least make a 
                                                                 profit.

Cannibalism:                                            *Don't eat the shit.

Vegetarianism:                                       *If it happens to shit, don't eat it.

Hedonism:                                                *There's nothing quite like a good shit.

Stoicism:                                                 *This shit is good for me.

Existentialism:                                       *Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
                                                              *Shit happening is absurd.

Realism:                                                  *I think I need to take a shit.

Denialism:     															           *What shit?

Purists:       																					  *If shit has to happen, let ONLY shit happen.

Procrastinationism:        										    *I'll take care of this shit ... tomorrow.

Avoidanceism:  															        *With all this happening, I think I'll go shit.

Repressionism:  															       *I'll hold this shit in forever.

Fatalism:       																				*Oh shit, it's going to happen!

Surrealism:    																				 *Fish!

Moilanenism:   																			 *Smells like shit of finnish fish.

Nihilism:      																				   *Let's blow this shit up!

Fetishism:     																				 *I love when shit happens.

Masochism:     																				*Do shit to me!

Sadism:        																					*I will shit on you!

Freudianism:    																		   *Shit is a phallic symbol.